I fell asleep on a giant pillow of my original character, Aito-kun, after having been raped. I don't remember all the dream, but I remember that wanted to be with a man, because I am a heterosexual, and we were all rudimentary shapes because I said, "If you're not going to let me be with like two or three men, out of literally, everyone, then I guess we are all NOTHING." and so we were all rudimentary shapes. Then I was in a normal body, although I was very beautiful, and I was at the door that people could enter to get into, and I said to all the women, "No. No. No, you can't come in." Or something, because I felt like they were sexually harassing me by trying to for me to be with women when I need a man... Anyway, there was a girl I knew personally from McDonald's my job, and I think she's alright, so I said, "Okay, you can pass." and she went in, and then was forgotten. At one point I did something, oh! I used to like Vocaloid when I was younger, and I was a part of a pageant or something, and was picking out earrings, and I saw there were Miku earrings and I had a meltdown where I was like, "Miku-chan! Miku-chan is so awesome!" Like I used to before I was sexually assaulted by a woman...and I fell downwards into a dark abyss and I though it was Heaven, even though I had fallen downwards. Anyway, the voice of Cryaotic, a famous YouTuber, was there as the voice of God, or a powerful entity, or something, and he welcomed me and I got wings from my grandfather who has passed away in reality...they were the dinner placemats he used to use with my grandmother, who is also deceased, at his house he used to live in. I flew out of the darkness with them, and I was told that Uriel, the angel of truth, light, and wisdom, is evil. I'm not sure about much else...the end of the dream was that I wanted to find my original character, Reitamokunkyonkyun, and I looked beautiful, and sounded good, although I sounded like the deformed man from the Goonies, and I yelled, "Reitamokunkyonkyun...!" into the open and then waited a few seconds. When he did not appear I let out a comedically awful screech as if I was in unbelievable pain before calling him again. When he did not appear that time, as well, I just kept doing this screech of death that was ultimately, due to the way it was used, hilarious. All of my original characters also loved me in the dream.
Dreams often weave together layers of emotion, personal experience, desires, and subconscious thoughts, and your dream features a complex tapestry of themes related to identity, trauma, social boundaries, personal desires, and inner conflict. Let’s unpack some key elements.
Starting on a giant pillow of your original character, Aito-kun, may indicate a retreat into your creative inner world as a coping mechanism. Aito-kun symbolizes comfort and safety, possibly serving as an escape from the trauma indicated in your dream. This pillow signifies a protective space where you can process your emotions surrounding past experiences, such as the traumatic event that you mentioned.
The transition to rudimentary shapes likely represents a feelings of dehumanization or a lack of complexity in the relationships you perceive around you. This can symbolize a sense of frustration and longing for deeper connections, especially with regards to your desire for romantic relationships with men. Your declaration, “If you’re not going to let me be with like two or three men... then I guess we are all NOTHING,” highlights a feeling of being trapped or constrained by societal expectations or norms regarding your sexuality in this scenario.
Your insistence on denying entry to the women expresses a strong boundary about your identity and desires. It highlights feelings about autonomy and the frustrations you might face regarding societal pressures. The singular acceptance of the girl from McDonald's reflects a selective openness in your interactions, suggesting a struggle to navigate connections based on your comfort and desires.
Your emotional response to the Miku earrings indicates a yearning for innocence and joy from your youth that may have been overshadowed by trauma. This nostalgia for simpler times can represent a longing for self-expression and joy that you may feel has been lost or tainted. The meltdown signifies a deep connection to the things that previously brought you happiness — in this case, Vocaloid music and culture.
Falling into a dark abyss and believing it is Heaven might symbolize a conflicted state of mind where pain and liberation are intertwined. Falling can often represent a loss of control or a need to confront underlying issues. The voice of Cryaotic, whom you associate with a powerful presence, could suggest seeking solace or guidance from someone you admire or who embodies wisdom in your life — someone to help you navigate these complex feelings.
Receiving wings from your deceased grandfather, represented by the dinner placemats, indicates the importance of family and heritage in your life. These wings suggest a legacy of love and comfort that can elevate you above your struggles, implying a connection with your ancestors that provides strength during difficult times.
The assertion that Uriel, the angel of truth, light, and wisdom, is evil may reflect a deep-seated skepticism or fear regarding the truth and wisdom you are seeking. It could denote a protective mechanism, showing unwillingness to accept certain truths about yourself or your situation, perhaps due to past trauma. This duality of sacredness and danger presents a conflict you are grappling with internally.
Finally, calling out for your original character, Reitamokunkyonkyun, represents a strong yearning for reconnection with parts of your identity that feel lost or suppressed. The comically exaggerated screech indicates a release of pent-up emotion, a juxtaposition of pain and humor indicating resilience — an attempt to cope with overwhelming feelings through humor. Your original characters loving you signifies a safe harbor, reflecting the intrinsic need for acceptance and love within your creative outlets.
Overall, this dream encapsulates your complex relationship with trauma, identity, boundaries, and the search for connection and comfort. It suggests a deep exploration of your past experiences and how they influence your desires and interactions in the present. Interpretation of such dreams can be a pathway for self-reflection and may provide insights into navigating emotions and experiences in your waking life.